Patience

I’m not good at patience.  I think I can be, and I tell people I can be patient, but the fact is, I can’t.  It’s stupid. Like so much so that I get myself in trouble by convincing myself something else is more effective than patience.  Kinda sucks, really.

So sure, I can wait.  I can be good.  I can stand aside for however long you need.  Well, I can’t.  At least, past experience says I can’t.  I’m trying to do it but I’m not good at it.

There’s always a good reason why I should be patient but I always find a way to ignore it.  Sometimes things come along that reinforce my need to listen and be patient and that gets me by for a bit.  Today I got that.

Yesterday my patience ran out and things went bad.  Today I was more patient than yesterday.  Tomorrow I will be even better than today, and this weekend will be better than this week.  This time, despite there being no reason to believe me, will be different.  There’s too much depending on it.  As of right now, this moment, I’m doing all I can.  I hope tomorrow and every day after I can say the same thing.

There’s no happiness in acting otherwise.  None at all.

This post is purposely vague.

 

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