Days like this

I woke up in a rough place this morning. Nothing in particular made this happen, but I still knew the moment I sat up in bed it was going to be a tough day.

I went through the motions getting the kids to school and stared at my messy house and piles of laundry. I watched my cat scratch itself, as it does regularly because I haven’t found it in myself to take her to the vet. The dog limps by for the same reason. It’s all backing up again.

The advice pours in from friends.

“Change it, make it a good day!”
“Play some loud music!”
“Come see me!”

But the fact is, I’ll find excuses to ignore this advice. I won’t say I find comfort in sadness, but I guess it’s something like that sometimes. I’m afraid if I don’t sit through it it’ll just come back at some point, or worse yet, collect together and drop on me all at once.

I’m jealous of those who are changing their lives and those who are tackling their struggles head-on. Some days I can do that and others I cannot, and today I cannot. I don’t want to put on my happy face today. I want to be that quiet guy in the corner you forget about when my seat’s empty. I don’t want to be anybody today.

2 comments

  1. Angi says:

    It probably doesn’t offer much solace for me to tell you that I feel the same way sometimes. Some days, just living is hard enough. I’m thinking of you, from my own quiet chair in the corner.

  2. Maris says:

    I’ve read your blog on and off for a year…I pray for your family often. I have been with my husband since high school and I cannot even imagine what you’re going through.

    I have a chronic illness (homebound mostly…debilitating but not deadly) and I have to rely on others daily for my basic needs bc I usually can’t do them on my own. This gives me such a soft spot for the elderly, disabled, babies and animals. I have been an animal lover all my life ( a dedicated one and I did a ton of rescue when my health was good)…please if you’re unable to take your dog and cat to the vet, please ask a friend. I’m sure they’d help out. Can you imagine unremitting physical (I know you know unremitting emotionally pain unfortunately) pain and discomfort daily? They’ve been through a lot too. :( Please, please have them taken to the vet if you can’t take them. I really believe the “you can tell a person’s soul by how they treat an animal”. We can treat them however we want and get away with it but how would we feel if we were that helpless animal (we will all be helpless somehow and there is karma)…they love us and trust us and we have to be good stewards of that…they’re apart of our lives, we are their entire lives. Please, be emotionally kind to them daily (I know you’ve mentioned in past blogs about snapping the the dog, etc) and have their medical needs looked at. My dog was limping last month and I took her to the vet specialist (I don’t trust the regular vet smoes) and she has a torn ACL and luxating patella. The limping could really be something and can be hurting her everyday. I say all this not in a snippy way at all. I say it from the heart bc I know what it is like hoping people do right by you. I wish you the best always. Take care

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